Where’s My Male Privilege?

Last night I started reading an article over on Feminist mouthpiece website ‘Everyday Feminism’ called: Looking for Proof of Male Privilege in Your Daily Life? Here Are 7 Undeniable Examples.

“But how are you going to refute an article where it actually tells us the examples are undeniable?” I hear you ask, and that’s a good question, he’s already told us, because like all Feminists he’s so completely certain that he’s right about this, that his views are not subjective, rather they are indisputable fact so I’ll simply put my opinions here and ask that you accept them as such.

Before continuing here I’d advise you pop over and have a quick scan through the original article, I certainly wouldn’t advise reading it all because I don’t want to be held responsible for inflicting this torture on anybody and also because it’s pretty long for a self flagellating, man-bashing piece such as this, suffice to say that the rich, white cisgender Feminist ‘Male ally’ who wrote this article wants us all to know how easy we all have it because of course, if one person has an easy life then we can safely lump every other member of that gender, race, class, sexual orientation etc together and assume that it’s because of our race and gender.

As the other article begins, so shall mine start slightly similarly…ish.

Let me tell you a (not very) fascinating story…

Poor Man

Hours after waking up and completing a rather stressful morning of School runs, I now have a few minutes to start this article before I have to go out again and continue my day of privilege.

What’s unsurprising about my story is not the mundane way in which I spent my day, but the staggering lack of exclusively Male privilege I encounter in my daily life. This isn’t to say that I don’t enjoy a level of privilege, or that I’m in any way under the impression that I have a tough life, just that any privilege and comfort I have is a result of being lucky enough to be born in the United Kingdom in the 21st century more than anything else. So let’s get started…

1. I have the ‘privilege’ of a long and rather stressful morning routine, because I’m not a douchebag.

(Wake up to the sound of my youngest Daughter yelling my name)

Oh, it’s 2am already? Well then I guess it’s time for the second part of my ‘sleep’ to begin, the part where my 3 year old decides she absolutely has to come sleep in bed (and when I say sleep, I mean sleep-fight) with my Wife and I and I’m too exhausted to argue.

(Awake again before my alarm ever goes off after being kicked around for four hours)

6am then, time to get up and start my day….I guess. At least I have the privilege of not giving a shit about my appearance apparently, or rather, I don’t have the option of giving said shit because my morning will be dominated by others demanding my help and attention. After staggering out of the bedroom I’ll have to wake my eldest Daughter and get started on breakfast while simultaneously breaking up arguments about who’s sitting where at the table and who gets to pick up the kitten (the kitten which I’ve already asked them both multiple times not to pick up) first. Not to worry though, my privilege as a Male authority figure means that I can be completely ignored by both of my children while I finish up breakfast. I’ll have breakfast later of course, probably, because while they’re eating I’ll be cleaning out the kitten’s tray and feeding him before making sure that school and nursery bags are all in order.

Thankfully my Wife has had the time to put out the girl’s clothes before she started getting ready for work. Yes, she puts on her makeup and makes herself look beautiful, not because she’s told she has to but because she has that option, she doesn’t have to go out looking exactly as rough as she felt when she first woke up this morning because nobody will think she’s some kind of sexual deviant if she uses makeup to decorate herself.

After my wife sets out on her way to work and I’ve finally dressed the girls and dealt with the multiple mini-crises such as “Where is my other shoe” and “My Sister is snatching” – “You both need to put those down anyway, you’re supposed to be getting dressed” – “We just need to finish this game first” – “No, we’re going to be late for School! Come here and get your coat on“….and so forth…..then we’re finally ready to set off on my 90 minute round trip, on foot, with two under 6’es in tow, to nursery and school, both of which are in different directions of course.

On the way (and the way back) I’ll encounter many other parents making similar runs, many of whom will be Female or will be pushing prams (or both) as well as trying to control multiple small children and, as a white Male, I will of course be bottom of the ‘pavement food-chain’ so to speak and therefore find myself relegated to walking on the road in order to let others pass because as we’re always told, we must put Women and Children first. Mmm, this privilege feels goooood.

Chivalrous Man

2. Look, we both know where I’m going with this, right?

I’m sure that by now you can see where this article is going, the chap who wrote the piece I’m replying to here says that he enjoys a privileged life and who are we to argue with him? I’m sure, by the way he describes his routine, that he enjoys plenty of privilege in his life which appears to come partially because he apparently doesn’t give a flying fuck what he looks like or what anyone else thinks of him, partially because he’s clearly pretty well off financially and partially because he’s a complete jerk as we’ll prove at the end of this article.

It’s hard to ignore the frankly bizarre ‘pee privilege’ section of his article, but we’re going to, because I simply don’t have the time to cover quite how moronic it is and I’m confident enough in your intellect, dear reader, to be sure that you don’t need me to point it out for you.

We’ll also skip the part where he wonders why Women might not take off their tops while running (for fuck’s sake) and head right to the part where he tells us all about how dangerous life is for Women and how he is able to “move about without the fear of harassment, assault or rape”. Well this is interesting isn’t it? here he’s explaining to us how he never worries about violence, even when he sees a ‘shadowy figure’ (because he lives in some sort of murder mystery novel) and that’s great for him, presumably he’s some sort of bad ass and really wants us all to know this fact because it certainly can’t be based on the stats he seems to love quoting so much, because as we know, Men make up two-thirds of all murder victims, meaning that, while he’s not all that likely to be raped, he’s in far more danger of being stabbed to death and I know which one I’d pick if given this, admittedly grisly, choice.

After this fallacy is pushed onto us as undeniable fact, we hear all about how he is certain that the internet is a place where his gender will never be assaulted. He is so certain of this fact that he’s going to tell us all about it in an article bemoaning Male privilege on a Feminist website where Men are demonised and belittled on a daily basis. I won’t even bother to go into the realms of the mass media and the current anti-Male narrative which appears to be in fashion at the moment, since the irony in his statement already speaks for itself.

Rich Lady

I’ll have to wind this article up soon because sadly, my privileged lifestyle means that I’ll soon have to quickly grab something to eat before setting out on part 1 of my afternoon of nursery and school pick-up runs, or rather, walks.

Our heroic Feminist author from the original article started his waffle by telling us all about how his day starts with his short morning routine, unencumbered by dealing with his Children, and then winds down with him ” tagging out of the bedtime routine for his four-year-old, walking to a coffee shop, to start his article, and finally rewarding himself with a short dose of Netflix”. This statement really tells us all we need to know. His privilege seems to stem from feeling entitled enough to leave his Wife to deal with most of the work while he relaxes, out of the house without her. Way to go modern Feminist Man!

For my part I’ll spend my evening dealing with the entire teatime and bedtime routine with my Wife, after which we’ll sit down and reward ourselves by finally spending some quality time together.

So, in closing, as we discussed earlier on, Mr Feminist ally, your ‘privilege’ doesn’t come from being white, nor from being Cisgender and certainly not from being Male but from your own sense of entitlement.

You don’t have white Cis Male privilege, you have rich jerk privilege.

 

 

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